


the sun in your eyes and on your own

by aceofdiamonds



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofdiamonds/pseuds/aceofdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five fleeting kisses in jamie's life and one that sticks</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sun in your eyes and on your own

**Author's Note:**

> i think my timeline's messed up possibly. the title is from bedshaped by keane and is pretty much irrelevant like every title i ever choose. i don't own anything to do with rise of the guardians i just really wanted to do a 5 times fic

i.

Jamie is fourteen when he kisses Jack for the first time. 

They're sitting cross-legged on Jamie's bed opposite one another with Jack's cane leaning against the window ledge when Jamie realises what that warm feeling in his chest means and why his cheeks always feel so warm whenever he's around the coolest person ever, literally. He draws in a sharp breath at the realisation, that he wants to kiss Jack, Jack Frost, the spirit who had needed his belief in order to be seen and who has been a semi-permanent fixture in his life over the last few years, and Jack takes it as an appropriate reaction to his story involving Bunny, North, and a few dozen fairies. He carries on like nothing has changed, like Jamie hasn't just made sense of everything that has been happening over the last couple of months, the last couple of _years_ \-- the dreams that leave him waking up shaky and smiling, his sheets damp, and the knot of longing deep in his stomach whenever Jack is off doing his job somewhere not here, and oh. That way he feels now where he wants to be as close to Jack as possible, wants to kiss him and nudge their knees together and -- it's intense, and Jack's oblivious. 

"And _then_ Bunny was like --" 

Jamie leans over and kisses him then, their lips pressed together gently. They don't move for a long moment and if Jamie raises his hand to touch Jack's chest he's pretty sure that's his heart he can feel beating too fast through his hoodie, no he's not exaggerating. But this kiss -- it's Jamie's first kiss and it's pretty much living up to and surpassing his expectations. Jack's lips are cold but when he finally presses back hesitantly Jamie feels a flood of warmth burst through him. 

He's feeling brave now that he hasn't been pushed away and so he does what he remembers from the end of films where the hero gets the girl and the camera zooms in on the big kiss and he opens his mouth a little, Jack's top lip caught between his own. This is his first kiss, his head screams. His first kiss is with Jack Frost, the only person he ever considered up to the job, and it's going --

Jack pulls back quickly, tumbling off the bed and over to the corner. He reaches up to run his thumb along his lip, right where Jamie's mouth just was. Jamie sits back, breathing a little heavier and feeling at a loss. This isn't something they've done before, it's not something Jamie has even hinted at, and now it's happened and Jack looks like a deer caught in headlights. 

"Jack," he starts, his voice scratchy. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -- we can forget it --" It's not what he wants, but it's the only thing he thinks he can say that will stop Jack from leaving him forever and as much as he likes him, as strong as these feelings are, he would be lost without the friendship. "We're still --"

But Jack is shaking his head, still pulling at his lip. He walks back over to the bed and perches at the end like he doesn't really know where the boundaries are anymore. "No, it's fine. It's fine, yeah, we can -- We can forget about it." He does a laugh that doesn't quite sit right with Jamie, rough around the edges. "Experimenting, right? I've seen it in other kids." 

"Right," Jamie says, and he's never had his heart broken before but he's going to guess it feels a lot like this. He shuffles further back on the bed until his back is against the headboard and waits for Jack to return to his story. If he wants to pretend it never happened that's fine, Jamie can totally do that.

Jack bites his lip and eventually sits back where he was, so much hesitance in his movements Jamie wants to cry out.  Jack's eyes are wide and he keeps glancing at Jamie like he's never seen him before and then he fixes on a point somewhere above Jamie's right shoulder and continues the story from before the world shifted. Jamie's still not really listening -- his lips feel tingly but he doesn't want to touch them to see if they're still cold, doesn't want to draw attention to what Jack doesn't want to remember, and so he hugs his knees to his chest and watches Jack gesture widely in an attempt to restore normalcy.

He leaves earlier than usual, his eyes still flitting over Jamie without really looking at him, and when he mumbles something about snow in Europe Jamie barely hears him, just waves and attempts a smile that doesn't come out right at all.

Jack doesn't come back the next day, or the next, and suddenly a fortnight has passed and Jamie's room occupancy hasn't risen above 1. It's understandable, it's May now and there's a limit to the number of freak blizzards a town can have. This happens every summer, obviously, but they left this year on a broken note, and the ice cream he gets down the park leaves a bad taste in Jamie's mouth.

His mum tells him he shouldn't regret anything but sometimes he regrets leaning over and tasting the ice on Jack's lips so much it feels like a punch to the throat.

ii.

Jamie kisses a girl in his back yard that summer. Her name is Becky and she has a gap between her two front teeth and she tastes like bubblegum. Jamie pulls away first and has to fight to stop himself dragging his hand over his mouth to wipe away the whole thing. Becky blushes and looks at the ground and when she leans in to go again Jamie leaps to his feet and offers to walk her home. 

(The next day he wakes up to a circle of ice right under his bedroom window, just along from the pink fuchsias. It's pushing 80 degrees today, the same it has been all summer, and he bites his lip and holds back the grin because this means Jack is still coming around, even if he isn't letting Jamie see him, and so maybe everything isn't lost.)

iii.

There's a boy in his English class called Jordan. He has blond hair and grey eyes but his name's different from Jack's, see, completely different only one letter the same. He tells jokes in this quiet, funny way that has you laughing whether you get the joke or not and he's one of those people who seems to get along with anyone and everyone, fitting into every group in the cafeteria as though he's always belonged there. Jamie likes him.

They get paired up for an assignment and Jamie goes over to his house and sits on his bed and at one point Jordan looks at him like he wants to lean in and that makes Jamie blush and cough and look pointedly at the book on his lap. 

Jordan just grins lazily and there's another similarity with Jack. "Sorry," he says, his voice low so Jamie has to lean in a bit to hear. "I thought I was reading it right." 

And so, because it's November now and there's been ice but no sign of Jack, Jamie shrugs and tilts his head to press their mouths together. Jordan smiles against his lips, the smile tasting a little bit like triumph, and slides a hand around Jamie's waist, pulling him closer. Jamie goes with it because this kiss may not be with who he really wants but Jordan seems to know what he's doing, his tongue is licking into Jamie's mouth in a way that isn't all that unpleasant and he tastes like 7-Up and chocolate, so, it's not the worst way Jamie could be spending his Thursday afternoon. 

Jordan's arm tightens round his waist and his other hand twists itself into Jamie's hair, Jamie's finding its way to Jordan's shoulder. They shift, still kissing, their elbows everywhere and their legs twisting, until they're horizontal, Jamie bracketed by Jordan's arms. This is the furthest Jamie's been and it feels good, he likes it, until he pulls away for a second just to catch his breath and looks up to see that smirk that's startlingly like Jack's. He blinks it away and surges up to kiss Jordan fiercely, clumsily, gripping at his hair and his shoulders and sliding down to press his fingers into his hips. 

"Jesus," Jordan huffs, ducking his head to press his mouth to Jamie's neck. The feel of his lips right there on Jamie's skin makes him want to push into the touch, makes him want to wind up the spring in his stomach until he spirals over the edge. He feels very grown up, older than his new fifteen. He thought he had been grown up that day he had realised what Jack meant to him but that's a whole different matter, they can't be compared. 

"I've not --" he starts and then ducks his head, pressing their mouths together again so the rest of the sentence is lost somewhere between their mouths. "I've not done this before," he manages to breathe into the space between Jordan's collarbone and shoulder. There's a layer of aftershave that isn't really needed yet lingering over his skin where Jamie has pressed his mouth. 

"Yeah? You're doing alright," Jordan laughs, his breath getting caught, and pressing their mouths together again. His hand moves to the waistband of Jamie's jeans, the question murmured between their lips, answered with a broken moan and a _yes_ caught in a breath, and the button is snapped open, Jordan’s hand sliding inside. When Jamie comes, his own hand wrapped around Jordan’s cock, he thinks he sees stars and it’s not until he catches his breath and can focus again that he sees the tack holding them to the ceiling.

The assignment gets done in a rush with trembling fingers and eyes full of afterglow awe. They get an A, Jordan's really smart, see. 

(The ice is so dangerous everyone is confined to their houses for the next three days. Jamie doesn't know if this is a game anymore, he hasn’t heard from Jack in so long and it’s obvious it’s because of the last time they were together, that time Jamie kissed him without asking and wrecking the best thing he had in the process. He’s happy, though; he has Jordan sometimes and he got a prize for his art a couple of weeks ago, so what if he hasn’t seen a spirit for a few months. He skids turning onto his path, his hand flung out to catch himself on the gate, and he thinks he hears a giggle from behind him, a laugh that used to be a daily feature in his life, but when he turns there’s no one there. His heart hurts.)

iv.

Jamie's walking home from school himself one afternoon the next time he sees Jack. It's the first day back after Thanksgiving and there's still a couple of inches of snow on the ground from a blizzard last week. All the kids in Sophie's class that morning had been thanking Santa and Jack Frost for the snow, excitedly scooping it up and clapping it into balls or rolling it into the beginnings of snowmen before they’re called into class, but Jamie kicks at a pile by the road angrily and tells himself he's not bitter.

He's turning into the park when something hits his back. When he turns around there's nothing there but an old man and his tired dog. He knows the exact culprit, knows it in the way his stomach is now in knots and his cheeks are flushed, but he rolls his eyes and doesn't give into the game because it's been a year and a half and he's almost sixteen now and he thinks he's over it all, so he turns back around and keeps walking.

The wind picks up around him, getting stronger and stronger until he's forced to stop, sighing and glaring at Jack when he finally comes into view. He looks the same, obviously, but there's an edge to his eyes that wasn't there before. His jaw is clenched and his arms are folded when he lowers to the ground beside Jamie like this is somehow all Jamie's fault.

"I've missed you," Jack throws out before Jamie can open his mouth. He says it almost aggressively and Jamie doesn't know if it's the words or the way they're said that makes him take a step back.

" _You'_ ve missed _me_ ," he says once he's worked out what exactly is going on, or what he thinks is going on anyway. "You're the one who hasn't visited in eighteen months."

"Seventeen," Jack says quietly. He looks down, twisting his cane through his hands, the anger gone. "It's been seventeen months."

Jamie tosses a hand in the air, feeling melodramatic and regretting it immediately after. "Whatever. You've still not been here."

The wind is picking up again like it knows how the conversation is going. Jamie's ears are cold; he should have worn his hat. It's at the bottom of his bag somewhere but he finds that he can't look away from Jack, not now he's seeing him for the first time in so long, for the first time in _seventeen_ months. His hair is sticking up like he's been running his hands through it and his lips are bitten red. Jamie looks over to the man and his dog. The man has cleared a section on a bench by the pond and the two of them are watching the clouds move. Jamie drags his eyes back to Jack.

"What are you doing here, Jack?" he asks quietly. "Why now?"

Jack shrugs. "I miss you," he says again like that's all the explanation that's needed. "You make me laugh and you -- you --" he stops here and just looks at Jamie, his expression giving away more than Jamie can believe. He remembers the press of Jack's lips against his own, the way his heart had felt like it was beating out of his chest, and the images his brain had conjured up late at night that made Jamie blush and push his pyjama bottoms down, and he bites back the _fuck_ that's balanced on his lips because this is unfair.

"You're not being fair, Jack," he offers, his voice still quiet. "You made it clear that night that you wanted to forget about it and I was willing to do that, to keep our friendship, but you didn't follow through."

"And then I was too scared to come back," Jack says. He has his chin tucked against his neck, his hoodie high enough that the words are almost muffled but Jamie catches them. He's so close to Jack now, close enough to lift a hand and touch his shoulder, slide his arm around his waist. He's the taller one now, he sees, and if he did what he wants, if he closed the gap and kissed Jack, he would be leaning down and Jack would be leaning up, and this is how much things have changed.

"Did you think I would force myself on you or something?" Jamie wrinkles his nose, disgusted at the train of thought. "Don't you get it? I cared about you so much -- care, whatever -- I wouldn't hurt you or make you do anything you didn't want to. I just --" he scrubs a hand through his hair, right on the edge of frustration. "I miss you."

The tilt of Jack's lips is almost triumphant. "I didn't think you would say that."

"I'm not a liar," Jamie says, almost as aggressively as Jack's _I miss you._ "I wish I hadn't kissed you."

"Do you?" Jack says immediately. His voice sounds broken and Jamie finds himself missing the cocky way Jack had taunted Pitch, the show of self-confidence pouring off him. Jamie's the one that brought him to this, he thinks, he _knows_.  He feels a rush of guilt then. Jack is still staring at him with all the hurt in his eyes. "Is that what you wish?"

Jamie frowns. He glances down and sees that their chests are almost touching, his thumb two inches from Jack's. Now that he's noticed the lack of distance he can't think clearly. It's been seventeen months. "Do you not?"

Jack huffs and prods Jamie's chest. When Jamie looks up Jack slides a hand around Jamie's neck and pulls him down into a kiss, his mouth pressing cold and hard against Jamie's. Jamie gasps, Jack's tongue sliding past his teeth at the opportunity, licking into his mouth insistently, but before he can respond Jack is pulling away and then he's moving away and all of a sudden Jamie and the man and his dog are the only things around.

Jamie rocks back onto his heels and touches his lips, the cold making him smile.

(He thought things might change after this but Jack doesn't visit even though the snow continues to fall. He thinks he might have dreamed the whole thing up if it hadn't been for the tiny snowflake shaped bruise on his neck right where Jack's thumb was. He pushes his finger into the bruise and makes a half-hearted vow to treat the kiss as closure and move on.)

v.

Last New Year's Eve Jamie had been alone in his bed with a bunch of crumpled tissues around him, a scratchy throat, and _The Office_ Season Two on repeat. This New Year's Eve he's at Kelly's house where the music is loud and the drink is free and everyone is dancing close. Kelly's alright; Jamie's not really talked to her much, she's just someone everyone knows, and everyone's here, the whole year it seems plus some of the above and below. Jamie's in the living room, right where the throng is thickest, and he feels... happy. Yeah, that sounds about right.

"Alright, Bennett?" Someone claps his shoulder on the way past and is gone by the time Jamie turns around. He takes a few steps back until he's leaning against the wall in a relatively quiet spot.

He's had a few drinks -- okay, six. He's had six drinks and the room is spinning a little and it's warm but also cool and there's people everywhere, people that are all here to count down to the new year, and Jamie is here with them, crammed into this house with the loud music and look, here's another beer.

"Fuck Jack," he mumbles into the rim of his cup, glaring at the small square of floor beside him. It's been five weeks since that kiss in the park and _nothing_. "Fuck."

Someone laughs beside him, a raspy sort of laugh that Jamie likes. He glances up to see Kelly's friend, um, Kelly's friend whose name has slipped his mind at this moment in time. She's really very pretty, even if he's not totally sure girls are his thing, and he really wishes he could remember her name. She laughs again at the expression on his face and reaches out to touch his arm, her hand small and cool on his skin.

"What's troubling you?" She doesn't slur any words and when Jamie sways a little closer he can see her eyes aren't glazed and she isn't wobbling on her heels. He doesn't know if this means he's spectacularly bad at holding his drink or she's just not had much yet. It's only -- he pulls his phone out to check the time. 11.45. 15 minutes until a brand new year.

He remembers after a long moment that Kelly's Friend asked him a question that he's taking far too long to answer. "You could say that," he says, letting out more truth than he expected when he continues in a rush. "Love, eh?"

Kelly's Friend -- Amy! Her name is Amy -- nods, her mouth bending into a sympathetic smile. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really," Jamie shrugs, his eyes flicking over the crowd around them. "It's complicated, y'know? Just -- what if they're not even real?"

"You have the feelings, don't you? You know you love him?" Jamie nods, knows there's nothing else this could be. "Then they're real."

"It's complicated," Jamie says again and there's a whine attached at the end.

Amy nods again, her hand still on his arm. "Why don't you talk to him? I know that seems like the obvious thing to do and maybe it sounds like the worst, but you should tell him how you feel."

Jamie doesn't say that that sounds like an easy enough plan in theory but finding a spirit is goddam impossible especially when they don't want to be found. Instead he takes a gulp of beer and nods. "Maybe I will. Thanks, Amy."

"No problem, Jamie," Amy smiles and she really is very pretty. Her eyes are a mix of blue and green and her hair is really shiny. She's smiling up at him, her lipstick matte red, and Jamie can't help but think it would be a whole lot easier if Amy was the one he liked.

Experimenting, right? That's what Jack had said that first time, hadn't he? Jamie turns the phrase over in his head as the people around them start to surge towards the patio to watch the fireworks that are starting in a minute. Amy goes to follow a burly sandy-haired boy but Jamie sticks out a hand and circles her wrist with his fingers.

"Amy? Can I kiss you at midnight?" It's something he wouldn't say without the beer warm inside him and the thought of Jack dismissing him fresh in his mind but he's said it now and Amy is smiling still, her eyes kind.

"Sure, that'll be nice," she says, and nice isn't really what Jamie is going for but he'll take it because it's twenty seconds to go now and everyone is pairing up.

The countdown seems to last way longer than 10 seconds and then the bells are ringing and Jamie leans down and kisses Amy. Her lips are soft and she tastes of something fruity, cherries maybe, her tongue sliding confidently alongside Jamie's. Her hand is still on his arm and her other one is wrapped around the hem of his shirt at his hip and his have found their way to her hair. He's enjoying this, she's a very good kisser, but the boobs pressed against his chest aren't really doing anything for him and her hair is nice and all, very soft and clean, but it's longer than he's used to. He just wanted to make sure, see, make sure he was certain about -- about _things_. His hands trail down a bit to just above the swell of her bum and she pushes closer, a murmur of a moan in between their mouths, and he thinks that answers everything. 

He pulls away and runs his tongue along his bottom lip, tasting the cherry from her drink. She smiles at him with lips smudged at the corners and happy eyes and Jamie wishes again, desperately, that this was the person he fell for.

+1

When Jamie gets into his room that night -- that morning? it's 4 am -- there's someone lying on his bed. The someone has his bare feet pushed under Jamie's pillow and he's holding the _Chicago Fire_ box above his head, his forehead bent in concentration as he reads the description. Jamie kicks a shoe out of the way, he really needs to clean his room, and Jack yelps.

He recovers quickly, tossing the box to the side. "Hi."

Jamie blinks. "Hi?"

"Good night?" Jack has swivelled around so he's looking at Jamie upside down, his head hanging off the bed. He looks happier than the last time Jamie saw him; his eyes aren't so dark and he's smiling a little, like he can't quite believe he's here. Jamie can't quite believe it either.

"It was alright," Jamie shrugs, stepping over a pair of jeans and sitting on the edge of the bed along from Jack's head. Jack crosses his eyes when they meet, sticking out his tongue. The walk home has sobered Jamie up considerably; on a scale of 1-10 1 being stone cold sober and 10 being completely pissed he's probably about a 4. Four isn't really such a pleasant place to be: he mostly feels sick. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that Jack Frost is lying on his bed after ignoring him for the last two years more or less. "What're you doing here, Jack?"

Jack hums and titles his head back to look at the ceiling. It's infuriating. Jamie's eyes zero in on the paleness of Jack's neck, the way his hoodie seems to match the veins that draw lines along his skin. He wants to press his lips to the swell of Jack's Adam's apple, wants to suck a bruise on the space where his neck meets his shoulder, but they're fighting. They're not on good terms. Not even with Jack smiling like that.

"Haven't you got a double bed yet?" Jack says after a while. "I would have thought with all your --" he pauses, choosing his next word carefully. "-- companions you would need one."

"What are you implying?" Jamie asks, sliding down to lie beside Jack and finding that he's not quite as angry as he should be at the things tumbling out of Jack's mouth. He realises that really he's just glad to be hearing Jack speak at all. There's something not quite right about that, not quite healthy, but he doesn't want to look too closely, not when he can feel Jack's shoulder pressed against his own. "Are you jealous?"

The shoulder tenses for a second, relaxing when Jack exhales. "Yes. Completely."

It's funny, in a way, that this doesn't surprise Jamie at all. The kiss last month had told Jamie all he needed to know -- that Jack likes Jamie, maybe even feels something a little stronger, and he's scared and after he was so worried about pushing him before Jamie knows that this is the correct approach, that he needs to let Jack make the first move again or they'll be spiralling round in a circle for however long. This is an admittance, though, and that's something they've not done before.

"Oh," he says, and then moves his hand an inch and threads his fingers with Jack's. "Why?"

Jack pushes out a laugh, his fingers cool around Jamie's. "Are you going to make me spell it out?"

"Yes." Jamie wants Jack to tell him over and over again.

"I guess you deserve that," Jack admits and he sounds guilty in a way that makes Jamie roll up onto his elbow and look down at him. "I'm sorry for staying away for so long. I won't pretend I was busy -- I was scared. Not of you, of my feelings and your mortality..." he stops and frowns at Jamie. "You realise you'll be eighteen in two years? You won't be able to see me."

Jamie knows. Jamie's been subconsciously counting it down since his fifteenth birthday. He doesn't know what will happen when he turns eighteen and leaves physical childhood behind because he doesn't think these wants and needs can be turned off like a tap. The thought of not having Jack in his life permanently makes his chest hurt. He grips Jack's hand. "We can work that out when we get there, right? If you want, that is. It's what --"

Jack smiles, then. A hopeful sort of smile. "I liked when you kissed me and I liked it the second time, too, and I'd like to do it more."

Jamie's heart is beating so fast and he feels a different sort of drunk now, his spinning head and flushed cheeks put him right up at number 9 on the scale from before. "You aren't forgiven yet," he says, because it's going to be a while to get over the fact that Jack ignored him for so long and the hole that he feels in his chest isn't going to heal overnight, but they've hardly got any time left as it is, they need to make the most of it, and so Jamie grins, feeling stupidly and overwhelmingly happy, and ducks his head to kiss Jack, the smile growing when Jack's hands loop around his neck and tug him closer.

 


End file.
